Jun 2, 2004
I am so sick of trying to be who everybody wants me to be. I mean I can just get in my car and go away but then Norton thinks I am out cheating on him or God only knows what else. If iI haven't cheated on him yet why start now.... But then again he spends all his time with everyone but me. For the past couple of weeks he has been "going fishing" but he just never seems to actually go. He always ends up at someone elses house or at wawa or who only knows where else. I go to bed almost every night ny myself and hes not even working nights anymore. I wonder why nobody can ever love me the way i dream of. I just want someone to love me unconditionally.... maybe one day but for now i'll keep dreaming
Posted at 09:21 pm by baebee23
Apr 12, 2004
well as usual nothing in my life is going as i'd like it too. But hey what more should i expect this is my severly f***ed up life!!! I didn't get to spend any time with my family on easter for the second yea in a row and thats bugging the hell out of me. then theres the fact that my mom just had surgery and i couldn't be there for her like i wanted to be because i can't afford it.i'm supposed to be having all these tests done on me but at this point i couldn't care less what happens to me because i'm always in pain anyway so whats the difference. everyone keeps telling me that i just need to go and get it overwith but they don't understand that i do not care what happens to me anymore.. whats the worse that could happen i'd die oh well no one cares anyway!!!!!i'm like 2 carpayments behind and if i miss one more they probably going to repo it then what will i do.... oh yeah then theres my tickets that i got.. hmmmm i'm losing my drivers liscence for one stupid thing i've done. i should have told the trooper that i was going 99 mph just to see what fate had in store for me.yeah i bet i would have still gotten three tickets. well i dont know what to do anymore i'd like to just take my car and wrap it around a tree or a pole that way it gets paid for and i have no worries.... now only if i had the balls to do it..... i need help ..... i should take my medicine.... oh thats right i don't have the money to get the presriptions filled... oh well.....guess everyone will know how i make out based on if i write again
Posted at 11:05 pm by baebee23
Mar 5, 2004
well soooo much has changed but not really.... Peggy up and left with kimberly finally.Randy is staying with us . I'm going nucking futs!!! everything at work has changed I amnow the assistant manager of the hell hole jessica is the manager. i really wish debbie could have come back because i miss her soo much!!!!!!!! I am leaving today to go see jessie and cord and I cant wiat because I'm so not used to not having them around. and theres only 4 more days til i turn 24!!!!!!yay well i got a bunch of shit to do before i leave so I'm outtie!!!!
Posted at 11:25 am by baebee23
Feb 4, 2004
well lets see where should i start with this update.....ummm.... work has basically become the only thing i seem to have time for anymore.my boss debbie decided that she isn't going to come back and amanda just up and quit because she just got engaged and is moving to washington state. so now theres only me, norma, heather and lynn... well i got kalyn rehired too.but i've been there everyday almost all day.then my niece kmberly had a sledding accident,she hit a tree got a cocussion then went to 2 different hospitals only to find out that she now has mild traumatic brain damage.isn't that screwed up.i also found out that peggy and kim are moving back to south carolina but randy is going to stay here. peggy said she's gonna sign custody over to me and norton...all i'm saying is why can people who can't take care of kids have a shitload of them and i can't have any abd i would absolutely love to have one!!!!!grrrr it makes me so freakin mad to watch peple just hand off the responsibilities in life.well...i actually don't feel like typing much more.
jae and cord i miss you two soo muchi'm so glad i had a chance to spend time with you guys.i can't wait until march!!!!!
snae.... you like need to call me or something...i miss you too !
to anyone else who actually reads this hi. i'll write again soon.. love ya all!!!!
Posted at 11:22 am by baebee23
Jan 7, 2004
well i haven't been on here for a while so i guess i'll update while i'm here.everything is all screwed up!!!! my nana had a stroke and is doing very poorly in health.i know she is 88 years old but she is one of those people that you expect to live forever and i know in reality thats not possible but i just don't know how i'm gonna handle it if i lose my nana. i had two good weeks while jessie was here but now i'm back into my miserable slump.i'm going crazy!!! i'm not going to be able to keep my car because sallys is screwing me so hard with my hours.thats why tomorrow i am going to aldi to apply for a new job.i feel like just wrapping my car around a tree sometimes! nothing ever seems to go right and it seems like nothing is ever gonna get better.well i hope everyone had a good christmas and a safe new year.maybe i should go take my "crazy" pill now............
Posted at 02:49 pm by baebee23
Dec 9, 2003
i don't know how much moreof this life i can take.i work my ass off almost 50 hours a week just so people can call off so they can have a personal life. well shit i have one too but as my district manager would say" because you don't have kids it doesn't matter if you have to work a hundred hours a week" well no one in my store has kids and amanda heather and i always get screwed out of any plans we make.biznatches!!!! at least i have one thing to look forward to and thats seeing my jaemica!!!!! only 10 more days!!!!! it seems like i haven't seen her in forever. my whole family is so happy that they are gonna get to see her because none of them got to say goodbye to her when wayne took her. hopefully this will be a great christmas for everyone!! i feel like crap though cause normally i buy everyone a bunch of stuff but with my car payment i barely can buy anyone anything... i'm thinking bout working a second jod probably midnight shift at wawa or something just to get on my feet and save up so i can get an apartment or maybe even a house so that i can get out of this place... well fingers are going numb so ttyl
Posted at 11:34 am by baebee23
Dec 5, 2003
well today seems like a miserable day.woke up to snow and had to bring randy to school.now anyone who knows me knows that i definitely do not drive in this crap but i guess i did ok .now i cant even really enjoy my day off cuz i gotta go to court because some little brats decided to steal from me and they got caught by 5 stores in my complex. then once courts is done i gotta clean this friggin house again . i swear i'm gonna scream!!!!! i clean off the table almost every night anf when i come upstairs to go to bed these people that live here have to be nosy and go through my crap then leave it all over!!! but at least i get to see jessie soon!!!16 more days!!! and at least i don't have tobe at salls today cuz i cant take much more of that place either! its like drama highschool there! ok well i gotta get ready for court so cya
Posted at 11:44 am by baebee23
Nov 22, 2003
its kinda weird to have an online diary for everyone to read.i guess at the same time it's kinda cool.where to start... i think i'm supposed to be happy cuz things finally seem to be going good but for some reason i just can't be the way i used to be.before if someone pissed me off or got to me i used to be able to blow it off and let it be.now i blow up and get aggravated at every little thing.my doctors think i need some stupid medicine to calm me down because i have anxiety attacks and then tells me stupid crap to make me mad like thats not gonna upset me more.they're all some money hungry jerks that think popping pills is the way of life.what bull.whther its perscription or illegal its all the same.its all stuff that alters something about you.why be fake.why walk around letting people see you as one way when in your heart you aren't that person at all.i've had my share and i've seen the way it destroys peoples lives and minds and bodies.whats the point?i think it's all just a way for people to hide what they truly feel. lets see.... how do i feel today? honestly i think i'm bout to have a nervous breakdown.i think i stress way too much over little things. you know i was soo mad at jessie and cord for leaving me.i almost really did some stupid stuff.then i thought about it. jessie is finally somewhere where she is happy.she's got someone taking care of her the way i wish i could have.and shes got cord. i'm glad that they have that bond. i wish we all could have grown up together so that we'd all be close but i think the relationship we all have isactually half way decent considering all the shit we have been through.i love those two more than they know. and it seemed like when cord left to live with wayne that he took a piece of me with him.then when jessie left it felt like she took my heart.i got so used to having her in my life that when she left it tore me apart.she isn't only like a little sister to me shes almost like my daughter.she knows me better than anyone i know.i just pray to god that all of us will be able to stay close even through the miles that seperate us.well i guess i beat up this keyboard enough for one entry so i'm gonna go and try to figure out something to do with the rest of my day off.
Posted at 05:49 pm by baebee23
well i just got done readin jaes diary and man do i wanna just jump in my car and go there and knock out her ex mark. what an asshole!!!!! i wish i could be there cuz i really miss jessie soo much and its really hard for me not to have her here with me anymore. i'm gonna have to start taking my stress medicine before she gets here that way when she goes to leave again i dont go crazy again(still) well short on time but just wanted to amp a little........
Posted at 05:47 pm by baebee23
Oct 27, 2003
well today was another shitty day at work. and im sure tomorrow is gonna be pure hell being that all the big bosses are gonna be there.that and im sure that nothing got done tonight. just more crap to stress overi wish jessie was here. im used to having a crappy day at work then coming home and sitting at the table and just goofin off.well i dont feel like writing too much so bye
Posted at 09:42 pm by baebee23
